sometimes the pain in my chest is, well, painful. it’s heavy. ugly. forceful. always churning. recently, i’ve even felt it sink towards my stomach. i feel gross. i guess some days it’s worse than others. i don’t like writing about this. it scares me. why am i so scared? i say that in every writing it feels like. grow up man. or don’t be too harsh. it’s never eased or healed, only distracted. talking and socializing helps, but that’s rare these days. is this a fucking dystopia?
        it’s like that movie, contagion. we’re all trapped inside, all alone, all the time. fuck. at least it’s not hell. some people probably think it is though. i wonder if satan feels a weight on his shoulders? weird question. keep going. keep connecting, thinking, growing (i hope). god wouldn’t. too pure. well, a real diety. not “God” from the Bible. he killed millions. why am i going off topic? still scared. focus on pain. we know how it feels. i don’t remember the weight that night.

- Will